Conflict, a Model

We know when there's conflict? But how? We observe a behavior and we get a feeling, and if it's one of the right sorts of feelings, we "sense conflict". Breaking it down a bit more, we:

  1. observe a behavior
  2. interpret it
  3. compare it to our needs
    • meets our needs -> ok
    • threatens our needs -> feels like conflict

And how do we produce a behavior?

  1. develop an intention to meet some need(s)
  2. select (consciously and not) a strategy
  3. enact a behavior consistent with the strategy

For this workshop, and for a lot of communication and conflict, item #2 is where the trouble often occurs. In box #2 are life experiences, metaphors, frames (Lakoff), filters, strategies (Rosenberg), world views, and much more. For the purposes of the workshop, I'll call box #2 our glasses.